it hurts more in the daytime
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
