I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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