me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
