I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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