I cannot find my penis.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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