I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
