she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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