Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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