i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish I only lived at night.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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