Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
YAS. BRING CRAB.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
