It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
