His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize