i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
