i think my mom watched the whole time
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
