what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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