So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
