I'm pants shitting drunk right now
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I stole a fireplace last night.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Randomize
