So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
