Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
