I wanna passion pit in your ass
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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