First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
