She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
