Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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