there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
