i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
