Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
As shirtless as possible
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
