Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
