she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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