If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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