Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
