Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize