oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
