the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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