oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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