wanna go halves on a baby?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
