): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
