We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
