tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
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