I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
