My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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