is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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