I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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