I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
