Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
