help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
