I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
