Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think my moral compass just broke
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize