for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
