Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
