he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
