My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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