saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
