just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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