Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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