Small penises have feelings too.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
