I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Fuck appropriateness.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize