Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
