NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
