So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
