I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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