I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
