last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
